How Do We Spend Time Alone? Anna Brones: I'm just sitting here thinking about how I can't really remember the last time that I sat down by myself. Not in a, um, work context. I work alone pretty much all day long, but I'm always either emailing someone or talking to someone or it that does not feel like solitude time. Um, I'm also an only child and so I think. I really need alone time in a different way. Um, I start to get really, I can just start to feel really antsy and not very happy if I just fidgety if I haven't, uh, had alone time in a while. And sitting here also makes me realize that I have been not so great at prioritizing it lately…which is probably like most of us. Anna Brones - Narration: I know that solitude is essential for my own creative practice, but in an ever-connected world, it feels more and more elusive. So for this episode, I’m asking: how do we spend time alone? [Theme Music Comes In] Anna Brones - Narration: To be creative is to be human. And exploring that drive might just help us understand ourselves a little better. I’m Anna Brones and this is Creative Fuel. [Theme Music Stings Out] [Act I - Difference between solitude and loneliness] Florence Williams: "Remind me why it's good for me to be alone. I asked my therapist for maybe the third time being alone is like a muscle said, Julia. One should exercise it because you never know when you'll need it and you want it to be working.". Anna Brones - Narration: This is writer and author Florence Williams, and that was an excerpt from her latest book, Heartbreak. It’s a compilation of Florence’s research on the science of heartbreak. But it’s personal too. Anna Brones: So can you tell me for you what it means for that being alone to be working? Florence Williams: Yeah, I think in retrospect it was actually really good advice, even though I didn't necessarily wanna hear it, but you have to understand too, just for context, that I met the man who would be my husband when I was 18 and we dated for seven years, and then we were married for 25 years. So here I am, at age 50 and my marriage ends I've virtually never been alone as an adult. And she, I think reminded me that home is kind of where we are as ourselves. And we have to feel comfortable with that. So I had to learn how to be alone. Anna Brones - Narration: Florence found herself rudderless when her marriage ended. And her first inclination was to set herself back on course by jumping into another relationship. But instead, she set out to understand the mechanics of heartbreak the same way she came to understand the benefits of time outdoors through writing The Nature Fix: rigorous research. Now, when we talk about how to be alone as creatives in this episode - I want to be clear that our focus is not on relationship status. It’s about finding that home within ourselves. Anna Brones: So something that I was thinking a lot about as I read the book and, also having read nature fix is this aspect of solitude versus loneliness can you gimme your description of sort of how you define the difference between the two Florence Williams: Sure. I had to think about this a lot because I didn't necessarily understand the distinction starting out since I just thought, oh, if you're alone, you're lonely. solitude is that generative space. It's where you're with yourself and your thoughts and your creativity and your ideas. I guess ideally solitude is, this gateway, right to a flow state in its, in its best incarnation and then loneliness. Is really a psychological subjective feeling of, I want to be with other people and I'm not, there's something missing. It's kind of a state where there's a chasm between what you have and what you want. Anna Brones: Do you think there's an element of choice that differs the two? Florence Williams: I think a lot of people go into a state of solitude with great intention and they choose to be there. Uh, and they love it. Loneliness is less of a choice. I think part of the definition of loneliness is that you are resistant to that state. And you may feel even, put upon or victimized or, somehow this is something that's happened to me and I'm not happy about it. Anna Brones - Narration: When Florence’s husband asked for a divorce, she certainly was not happy about it. While she might have sought out space away from her two kids and husband before to work on her writing, the idea of spending time alone for long periods was not something that she chose for herself. Photographer Alexandra de Steiguer on the other hand? She has spent over a quarter century pursuing it. [Music in - calm, thoughtful] Alex de Steiguer: I made a, a very conscious decision when I was young to, tailor my life, to the things that, that were important to it When the island job came up, I was a sailor and I didn't have some nine to five, anything I could just, take the job Anna Brones - Narration: Twenty six years ago, Alexandra, who goes by Alex, became the winter caretaker of Star Island, one of 9 islands in the Isle of Shoals. It was on a whim, but it’s become an integral part of her life and creative practice. Year after year, come November 1st, she travels by boat approximately 7 miles off the coast of New Hampshire to the island, where she helps protect 29 historic buildings against the brutal Atlantic winter. Music out Alex de Steiguer: My job is to go through all the buildings and to check for damage, especially after storms and then I repair anything. I can keep the weather out. So, if windows blow out, I'll board them up storm force winds can send fluffy snow right into the rooms, through any cracks, you know, through the eaves and, and around doors. And there'll be snow drifts on the floor and, I'll open a door and I'll have to like push the door open against a drift that's behind it. so shoveling out the rooms is part of my job and it's, it's good exercise, but, quite often when I'm finished, shoveling out all 29, buildings, another storm will hit and there'll be, doing it all again. Anna Brones - Narration: A typical season on the island lasts until early April. For those five months, Alex is the only person out there full time. Alex de Steiguer: There's another caretaker that brings supplies when I need them. And, you know, they may stay around a week or so, and then they leave and, and then it's just me again. And, it's a great job. Anna Brones - Narration: While being a caretaker is hard work that Alex takes seriously, it is the time in between that she savors. [Music in ] Alex de Steiguer: So when I'm not doing caretaker duties, my time is my own. In the summer I have, I have a lot going on I'm I, my brain's kind of cluttered with all these little details that need to be done. And then in winter, With the quiet of the island and just the sound of winds and the vast surround of ocean and sky it's, it has a very quieting and centering effect on me. Anna Brones - Narration: Alex is a medium format, black and white film photographer. Her work can be otherworldly, yet it's somehow still grounded by the depths of the seascapes, self-portraits, and the stark winter island that she captures. She shoots all winter, and waits for spring when she returns to the mainland to develop the film and to print the images in her darkroom. The island is Alex's muse, a source of creative inspiration that she returns to again and again. Alex de Steiguer: I think I have more capacity than most people to continue to think the same rock has a freshness to it no matter how many times I photograph it, because there's different character, you know, the weather and the lighting changes. And so the same things that I'm photographing, always feel fresh to me, but, I am still surprised when I develop the film in the spring sometimes. So It's a bit like Christmas, I, I have a general idea of what I, I have that I, I have not seen it yet. And I love the anticipation of that. I think in this instantaneous world it's kind of nice to have to wait for something. Anna Brones - Narration: On the island, Alex feels held by the rhythm of the days and the space that the long winter creates. For her, that time in solitude is generative. But for others, it might be lonely. [Act III - Negative aspects of loneliness] Anna Brones: In your research, can you share some of the negative social and health impacts that are incurred by the sense of loneliness? Florence Williams: Yeah, it turns out that loneliness is actually one of the biggest risk factors for early death and disease. that we have even as much as smoking, I think it's like 15 or 20 cigarettes a day. Anna Brones - Narration: I'm back with Florence. Loneliness doesn't just feel bad, it has been linked to things like impaired cardiovascular health and cognitive decline. It even impacts our immune system. Florence Williams: Researchers are teasing apart, what's going on in people's immune systems. And their white blood cells when people feel lonely. And it, it turns out that the, crux of that feeling of loneliness, uh, is a state of feeling unsafe because as humans, as social animals, we're actually hyper social animals. We associate safety with numbers and when we feel abandoned or rejected or, otherwise, Without the people we feel like we wanna be around. we feel nervous about that. Even on some subconscious level, we feel vulnerable. And so our nervous systems really respond by sort of upping inflammation, by preparing us to perhaps be attacked or predated upon so it's, it's so amazing that our immune systems, these white blood cells actually somehow listen for loneliness. Anna Brones - Narration: As humans, safety and security is key to our tapping into the generative state that solitude can cultivate. After learning from neuroscientist Christine Liu earlier this season about how safety helps us explore our surroundings and enjoy the benefits of newness, I wasn't suprised to hear this from Florence. Anna Brones: Can I get you to read another quote cuz it kind of relates to what we're talking about? And you don't have to get your book. I got it right here. Florence Williams: Okay. Anna Brones: Do you remember what this section is from? Florence Williams: So, this is when I'm on my river trip. In order to try to access big awe , you know, in my journey of recovery or my attempts to try to feel better. I embarked on a 30 day river trip in the wilderness and, uh, about half of it, I did solo. But when I got there, you know, I had some sort of surprising sensations around it, about feeling kind of anxious. Okay, so We weren't supposed to be alone in the wilderness and if we were, we needed every sense, turned on high, every task list made, followed, double checked. I've been wanting to re-inhabit myself by experiencing solitude to turn my loneliness and grief into something more generative. But now I was worried that the opposite was more likely turning solitude into loneliness. Anna Brones: That last line I was so struck by when I read it. And I was thinking that for people who crave a sense of solitude, particularly people who crave solitude to sort of be generative for creativity. I was wondering if, you could just speak more to how solitude transforms into loneliness, if we're not mindful about it. Florence Williams: Sure. I mean, I think the reality is, you know, we have great expectations when we set out to go hang out by ourselves for several days and, you know, get a lot done or in this case a couple of weeks. But 14 days alone is a long time, especially if you're in the wilderness and you know, maybe you don't feel completely safe all the time. You do have to be sort of hyper vigilant when you're out there alone, you can't mess up, you can't tie the boat in wrong. You have to just really pay attention. And, and that in itself is kind of a state of anxiety that's necessary really for staying safe. What can happen is you get out there and you’re like, ‘Oh, I'm having a lot of negative thoughts and I would love to talk to someone about them or I miss the sound of human laughter or I miss the sound of touch or gosh, it would be great to have a pep talk right now.’ And that's kind of, why human society is so helpful and so great in what it is. Florence Williams: We are designed to reaffirm our own self concepts in someone else's eyes. There's a lot of really positive reinforcement that goes on in society. And we may not be thinking about all that stuff, you know, when we're planning this great, solitary adventure. Anna Brones - Narration: In our ever-connected lives, we can find ourselves longing for time on our own. I find that longing multiplies when I’m struggling to focus on creative work, or when I’ve spent too many hours indoors, in front of screens. But we can start to romanticize solitude when we don’t have the luxury of access to it. Talking with Florence, I'm reminded that we have to stay grounded in the reality of our surroundings in order to harness the power of solitude. [Transition music] [Act III Disconnecting to Connect] Alex de Steiguer: People ask me this, you know, do I feel alone out there? But I don't because I think we find community wherever we can. Anna Brones - Narration: For photographer Alex, the winter on Star Island isn't necessarily an adventure, but an opportunity to ingratiate herself in the natural world . Alex de Steiguer: Solitude for me is, a, a broadening out of myself into everything that's around me and, uh, and letting what's around me in There's snowy owls that come down from the Arctic and they spend the winters there and they're, they're very quiet and solitary and they spend most of their days just sitting and looking and I feel like I become very much like that, you know? And the owls are not a social species. And in winter, I'm, I'm not a social species, at least not with my own kind. so all I can do is, is look outward and see what's happening in the world. Anna Brones - Narration: But Alex is not entirely disconnected from the mainland. In fact, she's more connected than I expected. Alex de Steiguer You know, it's a blessing and a curse in the beginning. When I first moved out, there were no cell phones at the time and I had a radio phone that barely worked. So I was so disconnected. and then as the years went by. Maybe halfway through my time out there, they got internet Alex de Steiguer: Someone hooked me up with Facebook because that's the other part of being an artist is unfortunately you have to promote yourself You have to get out there and, and have your work be noticed. Anna Brones: Do you find that it's easy for you to manage that? Or do you find that you have to kind of like set some boundaries for yourself? I just think that often these things are designed for us to continue to be distract, you know, they're sort of set up for us to not be in solitude or just busy, busy, busy, focusing on whatever we see. Alex de Steiguer: I have periods when I'm not posting. I'm not looking at all. And, I have to have that, and I wish I had more of that. And sometimes I do feel a little guilty when I, when I don't post something at, you know, days will go by and that there's radio silence on my end. And, and then I post something, Alex de Steiguer: But, um, yeah, it it's tricky again, I'm an artist and I, and being a presence and so people will see my work is also important and one has to make a living. Anna Brones: Yeah, fine balance. Alex de Steiguer: Yeah, it really is. [Music transition] Anna Brones - Narration: Florence's research backs up this friction. Anna Brones: Do you think that in some ways our connected culture, or even sometimes illusion of connectedness? Cause I think often we're just mostly connected online. does that encourage loneliness? Florence Williams: Yeah. I mean, it's ironic. It's, it's pretty well known that the loneliest demographic out there is the 18 to 40 age group. And those are people who, you know, they're in college, they're in workplaces, they're communicating sometimes they, they live in groups and yet. They're the loneliest demographic. They're the most plugged in. They're using digital technology the most. there's something that we know, I think even subconsciously about digital connection. That's not quite authentic, somehow. It's not giving us what we need. Anna Brones - Narration: While true solitude can be impeded by the distractions of technology, and sometimes create less than satisfying connections, talking with Alex I was struck by how, when we tap into the power of solitude, our creative work can ultimately connect us with something bigger than ourselves. Anna Brones: I think a lot of your, work, like in your photos, when I look at them, there's a very strong sense of solitude, that I certainly connect with. And I'm wondering if. If that kind of theme has always been a part of your work or something that's developed over time, as you have spent more time alone. and then how that connects with the people who engage with your work. Alex de Steiguer: Hmm. I guess I do have a very solitary, theme running through my work, but. I think I see it as a more universal theme because my images, many of them have a timeless quality just as the islands in winter, have a timeless quality. There's nothing to pin them to a certain, uh, time in history. And so there's a perspective that timelessness gives us. I think that. Makes us aware that all our problems and all the things that we are think are so huge. And some of them are huge. That's not take away from that, but, um, but most of the, the little things are really not, not important in the big picture. And so, that solitary feel in my images is. I think it's a big picture feel it's, it's supposed to take us out of ourselves and, place us where we can connect with this, more, vast and, timeless, thing Anna Brones: These like views from islands often have this sense of distance and vastness and like you're saying you tap into this larger timeless thing that can make you feel inconsequential on some levels or just makes you feel part of something. How do you think that documenting that then does it help you to better connect with people? Alex de Steiguer: I think so. I, I think it, it gives people a connection with my work that, that they themselves probably have when they go out in nature. So. In fact, some of my images have, a figure in them and. often that figure is, is staring. we see the person from behind and, and they're, they're usually small and they're, they're staring outward toward that horizon that, you know, is never reachable. And it, I think the images have this sort of those particular images have this sense of longing that we all feel, I think for something. And, and I don't, I don't know that we all know what that is that we're longing for. And, you know, I. Sure either. I do know that I experienced it and I experienced it when I look toward the horizon. But I suspect that it has something to do with a greater connection with, with that vastness, with that far horizon, with possibility. [Act IV Power of Awe] [Music transition] Florence Williams: The science has shown that one of the things that happens when you experience awe, is that you do feel more connected to the world around you. You feel more connected to other people. In that world. So even if you're out in nature, you know, and you're blown away by the grand canyon or whatever, you're gonna feel sort of affectionate toward the strangers who are looking at the grand canyon right next to you. Anna Brones - Narration: Art can be a gateway for awe, and awe can inspire art. I asked Florence to share the definition of this ephemeral state. Florence Williams: It's a perceptually vast stimuli that really challenges our normal frames of reference. So, in other words, it's something that kind of blows our mind. You know, we see something and we have to kind of stop and stare and our jaw drops and our eyebrows rise and we're like, what is that? I need to understand what that is. What is that Milky way? What is that purple sun rising on the horizon? and everything else in your brain kind of drains out, whatever it was that you're thinking about. you've just kind of frozen and you're focused on this thing that you're experiencing. Anna Brones: So I'm wondering then, when you think about your experiences with awe, would you say that they do, they come at times of solitude or times with other people or a little bit of both. Florence Williams: Yeah, definitely both. I mean, a lot of people define, awe, as occurring, for example, perhaps, if they are with a celebrity or a major political figure at a rally. I mean, there are reasons that these political candidates have rallies. 20,000 people in them. there are a reason that religions have built beautiful cathedrals. So yeah, you can definitely experience awe in a collective setting. And in fact, it's very powerful to perceive awe with other people, but, Awe from wildlife awe from nature, stimuli certainly can happen pretty easily when you're alone too, because you're paying attention to where you are and you're maybe not distracted by a conversation. Anna Brones: Where do you think the role for creativity is within that? Florence Williams: so I think this really interesting thing happens when we're experiencing awe and it's not really talked about very much, but it's this need to understand what we're seeing. And we kind of throw out our normal schema for how we group. Items or group people. we may be better able to overcome stereotypes for example, because suddenly we're very openminded. We have this little window in which we're really open-minded and we're like, what is that? I wanna learn what that is, or I wanna understand what's happening. and if we can figure out how to turn that a little bit inward so that we can shift our own consciousness or shift our own self concept. There's also this window of opportunity for transformation personally. And I think that that's really exciting and I think it can really play into creativity because it helps us see the world in a new way, in a fresh way. And maybe it helps, shake the snow globe, you know, of our brain. So the snow lands back in a different place. I think that's really exciting. Anna Brones: Yeah, I noted a, a quote from that you had in, in the book. From a psychologist named Craig Anderson. And he had told you, I think of awe as an emotion that helps us explore. It helps us be curious. Uh, and I think that that's exactly what you said is sort of this yeah. Thing that just shakes us out of our routine and then challenges us to kind of rethink everything or, or just be more curious to find a different connection or a different path. Florence Williams: And I think it's really important to point out that it's that curiosity and that openness, that is an essential personality trait for weathering life's hardships. And this was something that, you know, psychologists just told me over and over again, that it's, it's that very trait of openness that in fact we can learn to cultivate and we can learn to sort of, be better at being curious and open. That's gonna really help us through everything. [Music transition] Anna Brones - Narration: Alex will return once more to Star Island come November, and will return as long as the opportunity is available to her. She leaves behind her own small but strong community on the mainland, and that, in tandem with her ability to find home in herself, allows her to weather the long winter storms. Anna Brones: Do you think we need solitude as human beings? Alex de Steiguer: I feel that we do. And I, I feel as if we don't get enough of that, because, um, it seems like we're afraid of boredom, especially now in this, in this modern age, when everyone is hyper connected all the time. And they're missing the quality of boredom that allows them to just center with themselves and to have their own thoughts and to figure out what's important in their lives. I, I think it's important for me. I, I really like those times when I'm, I'm just quiet and, and don't have a lot going on.. [Music ends] Anna Brones - Narration: In the Nature Fix, Florence writes about a concept called the three day effect: what happens in your brain and body after 3 days in the outdoors. Florence Williams: It's really a term that's been popularized by cognitive neuroscientist named David Strayer at the University of Utah, although he didn't invent the term, but it's this idea that, um, after three days outside in nature, our brains kind of shift and we become better able to see things that we hadn't seen before to hear things. Our senses sort of wake up as our frontal cortex, you know, our sort of thinking brain, our task solving brain kind of dials. so, it can be this really creative space. It's where we can solve problems, where we can think about our self concept. You know, who am I, if you think about it. I mean, so many traditions and cultures throughout time use these sort of uh, ritualistic rights of passage, where people are transitioning from one. life, stage to another, they're thinking about their role in society and how that may be changing. Uh, and you know, we can do that at any time when we need to ask these big questions about where we are in life and kind of who we wanna be. Anna Brones: Do you think there's like a three day effect of solitude? Do you think that there is power in, um, like an amount of time of solitude or a dose of solitude that helps us to better facilitate that level of authenticity or connection that you were talking about? Florence Williams: That's a great question. I wouldn't be surprised at all if there is because, as one person told me, when we are out, out of our sort of typical context for three days, our dreams change. And our sort of short term frame of memory changes to the point where, you know, after three days, we're no longer maybe, dreaming about our normal life. We're sort of dreaming about our our liminal three day phase more. And so I wouldn't be at all surprised if we start to shed civilization, you know, as we know it a little bit after three days and even more so after seven days or 10 days, uh, and then there's space for all this other stuff to come. Anna Brones: Yeah. Um, Well, that's the next research project. Three days of solitude. [Act V - Microdosing solitude] Anna Brones - Narration: A lot of us aren't able to devote 3 days to testing out this hypothesis, but I wanted to see what effect a micro dose of solitude would have on my creative life. Anna Brones: I decided to, take a little small dose of solitude today, by coming down to my local state park that's kind of close to my house. Um, just taking a little walk for myself and sitting and doing a drawing. and it's so funny, I was so frazzled earlier today, just feeling so pulled in so many different directions and so many things on my to-do list that I was kind of stressed by this block of time that I had set out for myself. And then now that I'm here, it's amazing how that, kind of just goes away in a way, which might be the water and the landscape. but it just kinda has me thinking about how disconnecting, is hard to do. But when we start to sort of pull out from that stuff, we sort of, pull ourselves out of those tentacles of things of to do lists and obligations. If we find those like small cracks of time and can honor them, there's something there. Anna Brones: Oh, there's a seal. There's a seal. Little ways out in the water. I can see the little head. The seal's just floating there. Swimming around. Usually they pop down pretty quickly, but he's staying at his head up just gliding through the water. Anna Brones - Narration: I brought a sketchbook and some watercolors with me. Not with a grand plan, but just to play a bit. To sit and notice. Anna Brones: Along with my sketchbook, I also brought this book with me. Uh, it's a book that Florence had recommended during our conversation. It's called Journal of a Solitude, by May Sarton. and just on one of the first pages, there was something that just really resonated with me, that's she writes, I hardly ever sit still without being haunted by the undone and the unsent. I often feel exhausted, but it is not my work that tires work is a rest. It is the effort of pushing away the lives and needs of others before I can come to the work with any freshness and zest and just, yeah, that resonated. I think that, uh, Yeah, when we have a lot of things to do, which is most of us, uh, and we're busy and we are connected and distracted, we really crave being by ourselves or just being alone for a little bit, being quiet, um, and. I think that it'd be so nice to have several days of that, but maybe we just have to get it in the smallest of doses. I'd be really mindful about it today I have an hour, which feels, um, like a luxurious amount of time given what's on my to do list. Uh, so I'm just gonna take it while I can. [Music Comes In] Anna Brones - Narration: In order to tap into her home within herself and to better understand the mechanics of solitude, Florence spent 30 days on a river trip that she documented for her book, Heartbreak. Anna Brones: Is there anything that you have learned or that you take with you moving forward? Just any of that kinda wisdom that you have garnered from that experience. Florence Williams: Yeah. I mean, I feel like I've undergone this really tremendous transformation, you know, compared to where I was. And I think that my, my psychotherapist was, was right. You know, I needed to learn to feel braver, you know, to feel more self-sufficient to know that I can take care of myself if I need to. You know, and also to still prioritize building connection and building community because we can't do it alone. Um, but that doesn't have to be through a romantic relationship. And I think when you can come out the other side, there really is this kind of post traumatic growth, you know, That takes place where you become more comfortable. I think expressing and feeling a huge range of emotions and, and, and the good news is that includes joy. And it includes love as well as, you know, a lot of grief and heartache. Um, and when we feel that sort of, I think, a new level of comfort. With that sort of full human range, we feel more alive. We are more able to access beauty and that ultimately is kind of the little secret sauce of resilience. [Conclusion] Anna Brones - Narration: For many of us artists and creative spirits, time alone is often when we feel at our creative best. It’s when we finally feel like we can get the work done. But in order to get to that state, we need community first. We can romanticize solitude, see it solely as a solitary, self-serving pursuit. But in the end, the pursuit of solitude isn’t so self serving at all. Because the pursuit of solitude becomes the pursuit of better connection. [Outro/Credits] Anna Brones - Narration: This episode featured Florence Williams and Alexandra de Steiguer. Learn more about their work through the links in the show notes. We’re grateful to Big Cartel for supporting this show. With no hidden fees and no limit on your sales or your success, Big Cartel empowers others to share and sell their work. Open your own shop at bigcartel.com. Creative Fuel is hosted and co-produced by me, Anna Brones. It’s co-produced and edited by Gale Straub. Theme music is by Cleod9 Music. Our next episode will be out in 2 weeks, and if you missed it - head to our feed to catch our last episode which asks: “How do we connect with eachother?” Follow Creative Fuel on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and wherever you listen to podcasts. We're still getting the word out, so if you could rate, review, and share with a friend it would be so appreciated. Head over to CreativeFuelCollective.com for more creative inspiration, prompts, online workshops and a robust creative community.